Interest in incest has never been higher. While the subject has been a recurring theme in stories since the very beginning of human history, a noticeable shift is taking place in modern times and mainstream entertainment is exploring incest with greater frequency and in a less judgmental and negative light. This has led to a tentative acclimation of the idea into the current sexual climate; reactions of disgust and mockery have changed, at least in some people, to curiosity and appeal. However, powerful psychological, biological and cultural barriers still remain and the path toward incest can be hazardous and seemingly insurmountable.
We at the Incest Institute have conducted over 1700 interviews with individuals who have either attempted or experienced consensual incest. With this data we have made progress toward the understanding of how successful incestuous sex can occur. Our mission is to simply gather and share knowledge of this rare and fascinating aspect of humanity and we would now like to offer a brief and basic outline of strategies for those who seek it out.
First Threshold: The Idea
If having a sexual relationship with a family member is something you wish to pursue, the initial step towards realizing your intention, and perhaps the hardest step to take, is communicating the idea of incest to the chosen relative.
We have to issue this caveat – incest is not a realistic goal. A precise success rate is impossible to determine but our research suggests that a majority of attempts fail. Failure, at best, will mean embarrassment and an awkward future; at worst, especially when coercion, manipulation or deception is involved, it will mean disaster. Proceed with caution - remember you are dealing with a loved one.
With that in mind, incest can and does happen. Our efforts to predict how an individual will react to the idea based on personality type have been completely fruitless; in essence, anybody could be potentially incestuous. We must admit that the most reliable indicator seems to be the intuition of those wishing to initiate the relationship; while it is not always correct, a 'gut feeling' can be used as a guideline as to whether or not to begin.
The first step then, the introduction of the idea – the subjects of our research have used a wide variety of approaches and we believe we have found a few general patterns for success.
An open, casual, face-to-face verbal statement of the desire for incest, while a bold and risky step to take, seems to be the most effective approach.
Many subjects try to convey their intentions with clues and hints, joking and flirting, or small physical demonstrations of attraction – the problem with this approach is that the message can be lost and the subtle suggestions can easily be misinterpreted as innocent affection. However, these indirect hints can set the stage for a more direct message in the future and may make incest an easier idea to consider.
Written messages tend to be seen as clumsy, confusing or disturbing. Writing also leaves unwanted physical evidence. Even if a message is clearly worded and is received relatively well, a verbal follow-up will still be needed – a talk cannot be avoided.
The key to communicating about incest is to avoid shock; it will most likely be a surprise to the family member but the message can be presented gently and without pressure. The setting should be as relaxed as possible, a touch of alcohol can lower inhibitions, and the tone of the conversation should be lighthearted and speculative. We would like to offer two important points to emphasize in this initial talk – the opportunity and convenience of the potential sexual situation, and the genuine affection and love that already exists between family members. Our research suggests that these are the most persuasive aspects of the offer of incest; while there are many other factors involved, success may hinge on sincerely expressing those ideas.
If there is a strong negative reaction, obviously abandon any intentions. This is the inherent danger of pursuing incest and the only course in such a circumstance is to try to minimize the repercussions.
With any other reaction (except for an immediate acceptance of the proposal, which is rare), it is best to walk away and stay away, especially if anxiety or stress is sensed; a significant cooling-off period is required, perhaps hours, perhaps days or weeks or longer, as it takes time for the idea to gain ground against natural inclinations. Look for a receptive mood to bring up the idea again and have an extended conversation. Be honest and respectful, let the idea develop. Act normally during the process, as if nothing is different, to reassure that the existing familial relationship will remain unchanged and undamaged as things progress. Talk about the deep bonds of family, the transition into lovers, the pull of desire, curiosity and experimentation. It will be something like a negotiation that takes place over time, discussing the benefits and dangers of the proposition, and each moment spent talking may very well bring you closer to actual incestuous sex.
Second Threshold: The Act
If the point has been reached where incest seems likely, lingering doubts and misgivings can be the last stumbling block. The first embrace, the first kiss, the first time naked, these can be awkward and strange experiences. An interesting finding in our research: stepping past this last barrier can be achieved by focusing on and exploring the somewhat darker aspects of incest.
It is undeniable that incest falls into the category of unusual sexual behavior and is even considered aberrant. Dirty, kinky, perverted, immoral – whichever word you want to use, rather than denying or repressing the feeling, embrace it, amplify it, make it the center of the act. You are having sex with a member of your family and neither of you should lose sight of that – talk about what is happening, express the disbelief, the absurdity, the insanity of what you are doing. Incest is a loving relationship considered wrong, a pleasure that should never be felt, a defiance of nature and civilization, dangerous and secret and obsessive and depraved; these powerful erotic feelings and experiences have been reported time and again in our interviews and it is ultimately what propel people down the final steps of the path and into the heart of incest.
We can only offer some basic advice for the stage after the act of incest; stay calm, be supportive, maintain normalcy and be aware as events unfold. The results of any sexual relationship is difficult to predict or control and incest is a relationship magnified, more volatile, more complicated, and not something to be taken lightly. Discovery, regret, breaking apart a family, emotional breakdown - these are all possible outcomes and real dangers. There is also real love, real excitement to be had, profound emotions and incredible sex.
We would like to offer a goal, something rare but achievable, something we call Family with Benefits – casual, long-term, nonexclusive and uncomplicated. It is a fascinating relationship to discover; it has the closeness of family with the added dimension of sexual intimacy, along with a conviction that there is nothing wrong with this arrangement. There is some mystery as to how it develops and functions, since it is so rare to find, but perhaps keeping the goal in mind can be a guide toward this ultimate incestuous objective.
Much about incest is mysterious and surprising and unknown; it is a new world, one not well understood, and we can only look to those who have gone before, thus the drive and dedication to continue our research and reveal more information about this incomparable experience.
Addendum I: We would like to offer an experimental alternative to broaching the subject of incest to a family member: using this article, A Practical Guide to Incest. You could give the file, or a printed copy, to the intended relative, or direct them to our Twitter feed, @IncestInstitute, which lists where you can find this guide. We cannot make any claims as to the effectiveness of this method.
If you are reading this article because someone in your family has made you aware of it – welcome! If you have any questions, please feel free to email us at [email protected].
Addendum II: In the coming months, we will periodically release excerpts from our book, The Definitive Guide to Incest, to be published next year. Follow us on Twitter for announcements.